


Out of Cryo - Interlude

by Kitewalker



Series: Out of Cryo [3]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Graphic Description of Injury, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rehabilitation, Romance, out of cryo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-23 18:32:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11408124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitewalker/pseuds/Kitewalker
Summary: Even with Aloy helping her every step of the way, Becks struggles to adjust to her new life after the events of Out of Cryo.





	1. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Welcome back to Out of Cryo! This interlude takes place after the events of Out of Cryo and explores what happened with Aloy and Becks after the battle at the Bitter Climb. There are obviously spoilers here so make sure to read Out of Cryo first or you won't really understand what's going on. There will most likely be 2 or 3 chapters here and it's really just a good way to prepare for the sequel.
> 
> A warning here - these chapters will be much darker and/or graphic than most of OoC was.
> 
> This chapter takes place a few weeks after Chapter 23.

_Breathe._

I pushed back slightly on the starter blocks – waiting for the signal. The air was hot – hotter than it had been in months – and I could see the heat rising from the rubber of the track before me. My hair was pulled back, but sweat had already dampened the roots near my forehead and ears. The dark shorts and blue spandex tank top would help with resistance but short of finishing or quitting the race, I would not find much relief until I stuck my head in an ice cooler.

And I was _not_ quitting.

The signal – a sharp, loud crack from the gun – sent my heart racing and my blood pumping as I launched myself from the starter block and began flying down the track. My opponents ran alongside me. _Ignore them._ Had to keep going. My breathing timed with every step I took, I pushed myself harder as we approached the halfway mark – the wind whipping against my face and hair.

 _Lane 3._ She hovered near me before pulling ahead. The finish line was not far – Mom was screaming louder than anyone there and I nearly laughed but somehow held my concentration. My legs moved autonomously – the strides long and effective. My trainer would be happy with me.

Pulling _._ The ache in my calves and lungs grew stronger – the finish line only meters ahead; we were neck in neck – the crowd yelled and cheered as we blazed across the line. _Second place._ Not bad. I’d beaten my time and would advance. I could hear my parents yelling my name, my trainer clapping his hands before tossing me a water bottle. “Nice work, Johnson. Next time, next time.”

Breathless, I nodded my thanks and opened the bottle before chugging down a quarter of it. I walked over to the girl who had taken first to congratulate her. As I approached her, I extended my hand and was about to speak when I noticed the horrified expression on her face. She was staring at my arm. It was then I noticed that the crowd had gone silent – everyone’s gaze was fixed on me.

 _Pain._ A slow prick, following by another. And another. I looked down.

 _My arm._ Covered in blood, ripped apart, unrecognizable – the metal shards cutting deep into the flesh, exposing the muscle and tissue beneath. Nerves severed, I was unable to move my hand.

 _Legs._ My shorts and tank top were soaked in blood – the shirt once a bright blue now a muddied brown. My left calf was…just gone – a wiry mess of cold metal, bone, and blood.

I wanted to scream. _Needed_ to, but couldn’t. Something was in my eye, stinging it. My vision grew blurry – blood dripped down my brow. My side was on fire – not from running, but from the deep wound that had been sliced open when the explosion happened.

 _Pressure._ That terrifying snap that rattled from the base of my spine up to my neck sent me crashing to the ground. I shuddered as the breath was knocked from my lungs – the sound of my screams impossible to hear. I looked up, the only thing I _could_ do, hoping my parents or one of my friends would see me and help.

The crowd was gone – the track emanating an eerie silence. Instead, the girl who had taken first place was the only one there – staring down at me. A faint smile graced her features, that _same_ smile that I’d known for all these years. It should have been comforting but as I gazed up at her, a chill ran through me – the fear as fresh as the blood that covered her face, her body, _everywhere_. The heavy, metal orb in her hand – _was this another?_ It only needed to drop, needed to detect impact before it was all over.

Her voice raspy and cold – cold like the thousands of broken pieces inside me that had torn through everything. It was only a matter of time.

“It would have been better.” 

* * *

 

I sat up, screaming. My arm was on fire – the shattered metal still stuck within. _Have to get them out._ I clawed at myself – if I could just get them _out,_ maybe I’d be okay. _Just maybe-_

“Becks, stop! Becks! Wake up! Becks, _don’t!_ ” Hands gripped my arms, pulling them to my sides. I fought back with all my strength, but they were stronger.

 _She_ was stronger.

Blinked. Hazel eyes looking into my dark ones, brimming with tears of concern, worry… _guilt._

 _Aloy._ I blinked again. The tears were gone, but the guilt remained.  The room was mostly dark save the beginnings of dawn that peeked in through the covered windows and the crack beneath the door.

“You’re here with me. You’re all right.” Aloy pulled me close to her as the last bit of the furs that clung to me dropped into my lap, exposing my bare skin. “You’re safe, Becks.”

Panting, I gave a wordless nod as I sank into her embrace, struggling to calm down while she kissed the top of my head.

 _Stinging._ It was a shallow pain, but a pain nonetheless. Also…something wet? I looked down and let out a quiet gasp. My left arm was streaked with blood – my blood. The implants seemed fine, but several bits of skin had been torn – the dirtied nails on my right hand: the culprit.

The pain gave way to my own guilt as I was reminded once again of the sheer permanence of my injuries from our ordeal at the Bitter Climb. The first few days I’d been strong – waved away the depression and grief that I now struggled to cope with. Eating became difficult – I felt ill every time I picked up food and saw the scars – _those_ disgusting _scars_ – on my arms. Getting out of bed each day was a production in itself. The implants GAIA and Heph had built for me were definitely stronger and designed to move better than I ever could without them, but the learning curve was brutal. I couldn’t walk too far on my own without Aloy’s help – couldn’t really do _anything_ without her help. I hated being helpless – the protests and “thank you”s faded eventually, and I would just let her do what she needed to get me from one day to the next. Nightmares like this one were common – I’d had one every night since I’d woken up and the result was always the same. My scars would never fade as long as the horrific sensation of being ripped apart continued to haunt me.

Aloy saw it too, but she didn’t freak out. Instead she gently released me and muttered something unintelligible before climbing out of bed and walking to the other side of the cabin – toward her pack. After a minute or so of rummaging and the brief splash of water from one of the small buckets nearby, she returned with a few damp cloths and the pouch of berries she always kept around.

“Let me see,” she ordered. I held my arm out and looked away. I didn’t want to see it – _couldn’t_ see it, not without feeling sick to my stomach. A slight pressure – a solid one first at the top of my arm and then smaller ones as the cloths made its way down to my wrist. Burning – she pressed the berries into the deeper cuts. The pain was bothersome but I gritted my teeth and tried to let my mind wander somewhere else. 

* * *

 

Her hands in mine – holding them down on the bed as she covered me with her body, her lips tracing across my collarbone and up my neck. A heavy sigh escaped me, my exhaustion showing through. She moved to my ear, her own breathing heavy but still comforting to me.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded. Kissed her. “Fine.”

A pause. “Your back-,”

“Is also fine,” I said, interrupting her. “I’m all right, Aloy.” I nuzzled her cheek to prove my point. “Are you?” I gave her a teasing grin and released her hands before settling mine on her back, where a fine sweat had broken out despite how cold it had been. I let the nails of my right hand rake down softly, pressing down only slightly. It was still a process to open and close my left hand with pressure accuracy and I figured Aloy’s back was not the most ideal place to experiment with that.

She responded with a sharp exhale. “I, um…I’m f-fine.” She let her hands wander down my shoulders and sides, grazing over the long scar that ran from just under my left breast down to my hip.

Her fingers traced over the scar. I froze and looked away. She noticed immediately and pulled her hand back before sitting up.

“Becks? I-I’m sorry, should I have not done that?”

I shrugged, trying to not appear as uncomfortable as I felt. After all, she had plenty of scars from all the fighting she’d done and I touched them all the time. _Why should_ I _be the sensitive one?_ “They’re just…they’re ugly is all.” _Don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry._

Aloy’s eyebrows arched as she gazed down at me. She reached up and placed her hands on the sides of my face before leaning down, kissing me deeply. “Nothing about you could ever be ugly,” she said.

I scoffed, the sound louder and harsher than I intended. “Clearly you need to have your eyes checked.” I felt guilty immediately after the words came out. It was far too easy to fall into self-loathing lately and it seemed to happen at the most inopportune times.

My words didn’t seem to bother Aloy, though. She leaned in closer, shifting her weight toward the upper part of my body before murmuring in my ear again. “I love you.” 

* * *

 

“There. All done.” She used one of the cloths to wipe away the remaining blood.

I couldn’t face her. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” I heard her set the cloths and pouch on the floor. “It’s almost morning. I should go hunt. You should…try to get some more sleep.” The bed gave a soft creak as she stood up.

 _Fuck._ I knew this was difficult – not just for me, but for her as well. We had gotten into such a routine though that I honestly wasn’t sure how to get out of it. I was tired of being stuck in bed most of the day, tired of not being able to perform basic tasks like eating or helping Aloy keep the cabin clean. I wanted to go outside more, go see APOLLO finally working - shit, even go back to GAIA Prime someday. What was the point of surviving if I was just going to be a prisoner in my own body? “Aloy?” I finally turned to see her and…there it was. My arm. It couldn’t be ignored – the bright blue lights that covered parts of it, or rather, the parts that weren’t covered in scars and the fresh cuts I’d inflicted on myself. The nausea returned almost instantly. I knew beneath the patches of regrown skin was the web of mechanical parts that made up the bulk of my new arm. The muscles I had conditioned, stretched, that had been _mine_ were gone forever – ripped away just like the ones in my leg.

I didn’t understand how I could be so grateful for something and yet hate it with all my being at the same time.

“Becks?” _Oh._ Aloy had been waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from me.

“Yeah…yeah, sure. I’ll be here.” _As per fucking usual._

I looked away again, figuring I’d hear her grab her bow and spear before heading out. So, it made sense that I was pretty surprised when my spear was tossed onto the bed in front of me.

Aloy stood a few steps away, her bow slung over her shoulder, her spear in hand. “Get up.”

I did a double take, my brain not registering her words at first. “What? But-,”

She cut me off, her expression giving away nothing. “Get up and get dressed.”

I looked at the spear on the bed – the one Aloy had made for me during our first trip to Meridian together – before looking back at her. “I-I can’t-,”

“You can and you will. I don’t care if we’re out there all day. I’m not doing this on my own, anymore.” Her voice was hard and commanding, not at all like I was used to when she spoke to me. In fact, she was speaking to me very much like she did when she gave out orders to the allies that had joined us at the Bitter Climb.

Confused, I slowly moved my legs off the bed and reached for the nightstand to pull myself up. Aloy did not help me – she just stood there and watched. Fear spiked in me. _Is she done with me? That’s it? I have to do this on my own?_ Had she finally given up?

I took a moment to balance myself before walking to the pile of clothes across the room to retrieve the new armor Aloy had bought me shortly after we’d returned to the Embrace. I would show her I could at least dress myself - _maybe she’ll change her mind and agree to keep helping me._

Shirt. That was simple enough. I had actually gotten a lot better in the last few weeks with moving my arm and hand – the movements had been fluid since I woke up, but it was the smaller, finer movements that gave me trouble for a while after.

Pants. That was harder. _Keep going._ I bit my lip as I struggled a bit to get my left leg in but once I figured it out the rest was simpler. Aloy watched me in silence the entire time.

After sliding my boots on, I grabbed the spear off the bed and faced her. I had to keep the end of the weapon on the floor so that I could lean on it, my balance not completely there yet. “Ready.”

Instead of saying something, Aloy crossed the room and took my arm, allowing me to lean on her instead. “Put it down,” she said, nodding toward the spear. I hesitated before I released it, allowing it to lean against the wall behind us. I turned to face her again, my confusion probably very obvious on my face because she spoke first.

“That was really good, Becks.” The commanding Aloy had faded – her tone much softer and more familiar.

 _What?_ “You…you don’t want me to go with you?”

She laughed. “I do. Of course, I do. But if it’s all right,” she said with a smile, “I think I’ll be doing the killing part of the hunt. I want you with me, though.”

I wanted to cry, but I was also annoyed at myself for being so susceptible to crying lately. “B-but I’ll slow you down.”

“You should be out _there_ , Becks. You need to practice walking on different terrain and this is the only way I can think of that will give you what you need so that eventually…” She took a deep breath. “We can go to Mother’s Watch and I can show you APOLLO.”

My heart skipped a beat.

**_“Alert: APOLLO protocol reintegration starting…”_ **

_Screaming. All around me._ Breathe.

“Becks?”

I snapped out of my thoughts. _No, not thoughts._ Memories. I _swore_ I could hear GAIA’s voice as clear as Aloy’s - hear the sounds of her and my own screams.

I met her eyes. They were still concerned, but hopeful. “I would like that,” I said. And it was true. I just wished I could recover faster so that I could see the result of all that we had sacrificed sooner.

But this day was already looking better than the others. _Steps. Small steps._ Going hunting with Aloy, even if I couldn’t directly help, was only the first.

 


	2. Test Drive

“It’s just down this hillside.”

“I know. I see it right there.”

Aloy side-eyed me for a moment before she shook her head and offered me her arm. “Do you need help?”

“I want to try it on my own first if that’s okay.” The hill didn’t look _that_ steep and the river was right at the bottom. From our position, I could already see the various creatures that roamed in the small valley below – boars, raccoons, foxes, and yes, even a turkey or two (seriously, why were they _everywhere?_ ). Taking a tentative step forward, I began the slow and arduous process of keeping my balance while walking down the hill. Aloy followed closely behind, her hands ready to catch me in case I fell.

“You good?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I said. On one hand, having to invest so much effort and concentration into something as simple as walking down a hill was exhausting. On the other, I was carrying a pack _and_ my spear. I had also been walking mostly on my own all day and had held the spear in my hand on and off as we walked through the Embrace.

“Becks…”

“I’ve _got_ it,” I announced. _One foot in front of the other. Easy, right?_

No. Not at all.

I tripped over an overgrown root and fell forward – arms flailing in the most ungraceful way possible. My face probably would have been a dirty, bloody mess had Aloy not reached out and grabbed the back of my shirt, holding me up.

“And now?” I could hear that stupid smirk in her voice.

I growled. “Fucking perfect.” I felt her pull me back and I regained my balance while turning around, facing her instead of the river.

No doubt Aloy could see my frustration at the situation and myself because she put her hands on my arms and spoke softly. “What is it?”

“I’m fine,” I insisted as I tried to free myself of her grip. But she held me still, a few of her fingers involuntarily resting where my implants were exposed.

She wasn’t convinced. “Becks…”

 _Shit._ I sighed. “This is hard. I feel like we’ve been trying this for _weeks_ and I’m not getting any better.”

“It takes time. You just have to wait-,”

I pushed her away. My frustration had evolved into anger, a rage that boiled within me and sent me past my breaking point. “ _No._ I’m _tired_ of things taking time, Aloy! I’m tired of waiting. I waited for a thousand fucking years in that tank! I had to wait to find out what happened to my family and then I had to wait some more to leave the damn house because half of my fucking _leg_ got _blown off_!”

A flock of nearby geese took off into the sky, no doubt startled by my outburst. Aloy was quiet – she didn’t bother to conceal the wounded expression on her face. Guilt set in. I didn’t want to deal with it so I pushed it away. “I’m going down there.”

“Becks, please-,”

Ignoring her, I began making my way down the hill again. I found myself concentrating less, worrying less, only focused on getting to the bottom as quickly as I could so that I could try to hunt something and be fucking _useful_ for once. I heard Aloy scrabbling down after me, calling my name.

Ground _. Finally_. I stopped and looked back while waiting for Aloy. She skipped the last few steps by leaping forward, landing next to me and kicking up dirt and crushed flowers. I cringed as she turned to me. I figured she’d yell at me for being reckless, how I could have compromised my recovery.

But she didn’t. Even after all this time, she managed to surprise me. “You did it.” Her eyes were wide and she sounded…impressed?

“Um…I guess I did?” I mean, it _was_ true. “I just stopped thinking about it so much.”

Aloy beamed at me, her bright smile waking the butterflies in my stomach. It had been too long since I’d seen her this happy. I forgot about my anger. The frustration and self-loathing dissipated. _Shit, I’ll walk down a dozen hills if this is what I get in return._

She closed the distance between us and kissed me hard. I barely had enough time to grasp her shoulders before she pulled away, the grin never leaving her face. “I would tell you to stop thinking, but I’m not sure that’s a valid plan.”

Breathless and a little dizzy, I laughed at my own giddiness. “Thanks.”

She bit her lip. Her voice, although calm, seemed broken. As though she’d wanted to say this to me for a while. “Becks, I’m so sorry. I…I know this has been really hard and I can’t-can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.” She took my hands and sighed. “I’m just-I’m here for you, okay?”

I had to push back tears again. _Fuck._ I knew she was trying to help – shit, that’s all she had been doing ever since I’d woken up, no _before_ that. Since I’d come out of cryo sleep. I swallowed and met her eyes. “I know. I know you have. I-,” My vision grew blurry. _So much for not crying._ “I’m sorry if I’ve pushed you away. It’s been…” My voice cracked. “It’s been really hard and I’m _trying_ and _this_ ,” I moved my left arm to demonstrate – my tone rising in pitch as I felt myself beginning to break down, “has been nothing but a _fucking_ nightmare and…and every time I look at it or even _think_ about it I can hear…”

Aloy released my hands and wrapped her arms around me, her hold unwavering as I continued – my head resting on her chest as I struggled to get the words out between sobs.

“I can still hear _her_ , Aloy. The last thing she said to me – she thought…she thought it would have been better if she’d _died_ with her parents. What kind of person _says_ that?!”

I heard her breath hitch. “A broken one, Becks,” she whispered. “Not you.”

She continued to hold me, with only the sounds of the forest around us filling the void as we stood in silence. I eventually calmed down enough to pull away and turned to face the valley we had entered.

 ** _“Not you.”_** Aloy’s words gave me a new, quiet confidence I never knew I had. Never knew I _could_ have. Maybe she was right. Maybe I _wasn’t_ broken. Maybe I had a chance at this. So what if my progress wasn’t as fast I wanted it to be? Where was I going? _Not away from her, that’s for damn sure._ I gave the ground a gentle kick with my leg. Reached for my spear that I’d strapped to my back.

“Becks?”

I turned my head. “I want to try.” Maybe I’d fail. Maybe the nightmares would never fade. But I wouldn’t know unless I kept trying.

Her expression grew focused and intense – she stared past me and straight ahead. “There.”

I followed her gaze. Near the water, a boar trotted by, taking a drink of water before moving on. It would feed us for a while… _if_ we caught it. I’d been on hunts with Aloy several times now and had seen her kill, watched as she walked me through the steps of taking care of the kill after the deed had been done, but I’d never taken one down myself. I’d tried for weeks to hold a spear, even threw it a few times. I didn’t do too bad with my right arm – I’d never done throwing in track – but the engineer in me was curious as to what I could do with my left arm. It had been a quiet curiosity, a whisper drowned out by the overwhelming wave of memories that would come with every consideration, but right now…

_I wonder…_

I moved the spear from my right hand to my left. The grip felt odd, but still good strangely enough. It wasn’t my hand…would never be _mine_ …but it would do – it _had_ to. My fingers closed around the weapon – built for me by one of the best hunters this world had seen. I eyed the boar. _Maybe._

Something clicked. I can’t describe it, only that it just… _was._ Whether it was something I always had, or had been taught or maybe even something that Heph or GAIA had given me when they were messing around in there – I just know it felt _right._

I exhaled. _Accurate_.

I threw the spear, relishing the strength coming from the hybrid of organic and synthetic muscles that propelled the weapon at a velocity so great that it might have beat out anything any _normal_ human could throw.

We both watched as the spear soared through the air and hit…the ground. The weapon sunk into the grass just to the left of where the boar had been. Frightened, the animal scampered off into the thick trees beyond the stream.

I began to breathe again. My arm felt numb, stretched - but also good at the same time. I turned to face Aloy, well aware that I had a big grin plastered to my face. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open as she stared back at me. It was hilarious and adorable all at once.

When she finally found her voice, she spoke. “I-that was _great_ , Becks! You were so close!”

I laughed at her excitement, the giddiness returning.

She continued. “We’ll work on your aim, but that was _amazing_.”

“We could if you wanted but…I missed on purpose,” I admitted.

Aloy did a double take. I laughed again – had I known messing with her like this would be so much fun I would have tried it sooner. “Y-you missed on purpose? Why?”

I shrugged. “It was cute. I didn’t want to kill it. Plus, I think I want my first kill to be one of those goddamned turkeys. Just seems fitting.”

“But how…how did you-,”

“GAIA. My arm…my leg. The implants – I can’t describe it, Aloy, but I think…I think the more I adjust, the better…I might be able to-to do things better than I could…you know, before.”

She gave my arm a hesitant glance before looking back at me. “Let’s um…let’s get your spear and maybe…try it again?”

I nodded. Maybe it was Aloy’s words of encouragement or maybe it was the rush of really putting myself out there physically and beginning to get comfortable with my implants, but I felt stronger than I had in weeks. There was something else, something I couldn’t explain either, but I knew things would be different – that maybe things would start to get better.

Another day, another step.


End file.
